That’s what an old teammate told me when I asked him about an upcoming grappling tournament. Even though he was (and most likely still is) crazy, I have to admit; he was right.

It was February 2009 and I had been training Jiu-Jitsu for a little over 3 months and the Undisputed Jiu-Jitsu Team was planning to compete in The Tournament of Champions II in Colorado. I remember my teammates talking about it and inviting me to join them. I told them that I didn’t feel I was ready. I was afraid and I immediately started to think of all the reasons I couldn’t do it. Experience, work, and money were the most prominent reasons that came to mind but I was uncomfortably curious to know what this “feeling” was like. So I convinced myself to sign up.

After signing up I couldn’t stop thinking about the tournament. My heart started pounding every time I imagined myself on the mat. I told my friend Weezy Wee (who was also a noob at the time) how I felt but he was no help with easing my nervousness. He told me he was so nervous, he was losing sleep at night. Way to make things worse, Weezy.

The team got organized, rented a van and we all drove up together. That drive to Colorado was quite an experience. I just remember closing my eyes and going to my happy place as our over caffeinated driver weaved through traffic, text messaging while steadily keeping the vans speedometer at its 100 mph top speed. Tait Fletcher’s School of Driving, if you’re interested.

We arrived in Denver Colorado and went straight to weigh-ins at Dave & Busters. I made the 140-159 lb class at my natural weight no problem, had dinner and headed to the place we would be spending the night at. Sleeping that night was pretty much impossible. It was a combination of nervous thoughts and sleeping with 7 fart-filled snoring guys in one room.

Morning came too soon and we all rushed to get out the door, have breakfast and head to the tournament. We arrived and the place was packed with athletes and spectators. I felt a little overwhelmed. We found our names on the wall where they posted our divisions and found our mats. Isaac Vallie-Flag helped me warmup and told me I would be up soon. He told me to get my heart going by doing some jumping squats (as if my heart wasn’t already racing from being nervous.) Tait came over and said “you’re up next.” They called my name and I step on the mat along with my opponent. With my heart racing I look him in the eyes, shake his hand and we start to grapple. I ended up submitting him with an armbar and I was immediately hooked to the  satisfaction of having my arm raised as the winner.

I won twice and lost twice that day and I felt great. I finally understood what “feeling” my old teammate was referring to. It was a combination of putting all of my doubts to rest, pushing myself to another level and knowing that I was part of a brotherhood all mixed into one satisfying, smile inducing feeling. So to all of you new guys/gals. Don’t be afraid. Get out there and compete. Be courageous.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain

Ruben Rivera