It’s important to acknowledge mistakes, feel appropriate remorse, and learn from them so they don’t happen again. But most people keep beating themselves up way past the point of usefulness: they’re unfairly self-critical.

Although some people are of the opinion that we are basically machines, I have found this to be far from the truth. We are complex creatures with sub- personalities. We have inner critics and inner protectors inside of each of us. For most people the inner critic is a dominating presence, continually looking for anything to find fault with. It takes small feelings , insecurities or failures and magnifies them into actual issues, punishes you for your shortcomings, ignores context and rarely credits you for your efforts and progress.

Just like in everyday conflicts we need to stand up for ourselves. We need to acknowledge our weaknesses or misdeeds, put them into perspective, search for any valuable lessons, encourage ourselves to keep getting back up when we’ve been knocked down and, most of all, to sometimes tell that inner critic to just shut up. That inner protector can help you see your faults without dragging you into a pit of despair.  The only useful purposes of guilt, shame, or remorse are learning and growth – not punishment. Anything past the point of learning is just masochism. Excessive guilt and negativity actually gets in the way of your contributing anything to society by undermining your energy, mood, confidence and self worth.

I know, easier said than done. Constantly questioning ones self feeds insecurity, which often manifests in our relationships with others. Its ok to be self-critical but when that criticism spills over to your public life and you start being that way with others, it can destroy relationships just as easily as anything. It’s ok to push yourself. It’s ok to strive for greatness. It’s also ok to forgive yourself. Life is supposed to be a struggle, a lesson, and an adventure. We are supposed to fall flat on our faces, we are supposed to raise our hands in triumph and we are supposed to grow. So pick your self up, shake yourself off and get back in the game.

Ben Sandoval